Hi guys, I’d like to talk about the past few days and what I’ve been doing, what has been happening, both good and bad, and the days to come.
Recently I hit a wall. It’s sorta like a plateau, and its also sorta like a spiraling whirlpool downwards. Emotionally, I am at my lowest since last year. Which is pretty early considering it’s March.
Honestly one thing I’ve been considering is keeping my mouth shut. Because I tend to speculate, and assume the worst when it comes to what people will do. Honestly it’s not very healthy, and it’s not very nice for the people on the receiving end.
I tend to form negative opinions on others very fast. And get very annoyed with everything. I need to stop opening my mouth during these situations because either I will fuck up something, or assume something about someone based on my own judgement of his or her personality, and end up hurting someone.
Maybe I should just keep quiet more. I don’t know how, but I think I need to work on that first, then settle my negative opinions on others. I don’t wanna hurt anyone anymore.
And it’s been an arduous journey with my goals so far.
I want to say that I have been progressing, albeit at a slow pace.
Progress is still progress, but everything is fading to grey again.
Sometimes, I wonder if it’s okay for me to continue as I am. Like, you know, the me with so many flaws. The insensitive me, the me who doesn’t give a fuck, and the me who is selfish and undeserving.
Some people say imperfection is what makes people beautiful, but then, it’s difficult to say that when majority of the people you meet just pick on all your flaws. Including me on others.
Keeping my mouth shut, yes, that’s whats important right now. Whenever I want to say something related to other people and their personalities, I shall just keep it to myself. It’s gonna be difficult.
In the days ahead, I will spend a few more days in camp, and a lot of time at home. I think it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate, and try and move forward. Then I’ll be flying to Japan soon. It’s pretty fast, but I’m tired of dealing with people.
I just want to be alone.