Hey there, I am writing this on the sunny morning of the first day of Chinese New Year.
I might be going out early for lunch, so I’ll make it short.
These few days, have felt very monotonous to me. Kind of like how I felt in army, but not as bad. But it’s a feeling of meaninglessness, and that kind of drifting by kind of feeling. It’s been on for a few days.
I sort of get it, it’s like same old boring kinda routine, and I’m not really enjoying what was novel to me in the not so distant past. And I’m a bit different from last term. Perhaps I’ve let go of that high standard I always held myself to, and decided to spend more time on myself. But the thing is, I also feel insecure spending that time on other things other than study.
Overall its a different and more negative vibe from the start of last semester, and I really wanna get back on track.
In the previous few weeks, I realized that there are some things in my life I am pretty dissatisfied with. I want answers to these questions of meaning and all. But I really don’t know man. Sometimes I just lose my way amidst all the chaos and expectations around me.
Recently I took a workshop on career path (from the university) and he emphasized the importance of being happy in your job. That got me thinking. Do I really want to work a business job? What is this inadequacy and dread in my mind that I feel? Is it simply being afraid or is it something deeper?
I need to get back on track though. I need to tell myself that for now, I need to settle my work, and the answers to these questions have to wait. And, of course, I shouldn’t hold myself to previous work or expectations. Do my best, and let whatever comes out of it come out.
Sigh. Perhaps I should look at this in another perspective. I should talk to people too. People that are struggling with the same things I am facing. Pretty sure there are a lot of people like that within my CCA.
Okay, I’ll get back to grinding for mid-terms. Stay frosty guys.