Hey guys, it’s nearly 10pm now, and I just finished studying for the day. To be honest, now’s just a shitty time for me. Mid-term’s aren’t done, I feel like I’m going nowhere with life again, and the whole cycle repeats.
Maybe it’s cos I’m tired, and maybe it’s cos I want something more out of my life.
I think it’s a combination of both. Like, I kind of lack the motivation to do music after I study, but then again, I need to do that to feel fulfilled. It’s this constant back and forth between “should I do my schoolwork” and “I’ll sit down and compose proper right now”. Perhaps I need to schedule these sessions so I really sit down and compose and work on something that fulfills me. Sometimes, I sit here and go, hey, I’m too tired to compose right now, so I’ll just play some heroes of the storm or some other computer game. And so passes the only time when I can compose without disturbance.
I guess reflecting on it, it’s mostly my fault. Sometimes, I really wish I could do music like Yu Hng. There’s still so much to learn, and so much holding me back. I mean, not only just external things like my parents, or money and all. It’s also me. I’m really scared of it. I’m scared of failure. But it makes me feel even worse for not trying.
I’ll do it, I’ll work on it.