Stumble, but move on.

Last Exam in sight.

The last exam of the term is coming in 4 days, and I don’t feel good about the 2 that just passed.

Perhaps it’s fatigue, perhaps it’s not studying right, but I think there’s a lot to learn from this semester.

This semester was really full of surprises. Starting out the semester, I knew I wanted to do better. I did for the first two mid-terms, and now, on to the finals, I’m limping to the finishing line again. Just how do my friends keep up with everything, I’ll never know. But one stark difference between them and me is that they have a sense of surety about them, and they don’t “over-study”. The fact that I invest a lot of effort into studying, but sometimes screw up is probably because of that. I over-think during exams which lead to poorer performance than what I am capable of. I am sure that if I had employed better exam skills, better logical thinking, I would probably be able to eliminate several costly mistakes. Yeah, as you can tell, sometimes I really regret being so careless. Oh well, that’s my tendency, and I should work on it more. No point in being salty about it.

But there’s a lot of things I did right. I studied really well for the mid-terms, I was able to overcome my musical problems yet again and mastered the Hotel California solo. I treated myself right and rewarded myself appropriately.

I tried to apply for internships but failed miserably. But I learnt so much from it. About presenting yourself, and not trying to pretend, and just being succinct with your answers. You must really know what you want and show it to your would-be employers. I’m going to bring that mentality into my next job interview and constantly review what I have to do. I’m fairly new, so I shouldn’t beat myself up over it. I’m still struggling to prevent myself from doing so, but I will not yield to self-blaming. Failure is never an endpoint. It’s a lesson so that you can do better next time.

Not all was that bad. In fact, the best thing that happened in my life was when I finally learnt to be honest with my feelings. It was so hard to approach her and tell her how I felt in person. But I did. And that’s something to be proud of since I’ve always tried to play games and shied away from expressing them. While we still have a long way to go, I’m happy that I finally came through with being honest and finally started dating.

Not all good things have to be measured and tangible. Not everything can go smoothly no matter how much you try to control the situation. The only thing we can do is trust ourselves and hope for the best. And sometimes we need to stop and count our blessings to see how much we have rather than what could have been.

This term was such a roller-coaster ride. Perhaps that’s just life isn’t it? You win some, you lose some. But oh well, all we can do is persevere and move on as best we can, learning from our mistakes, and moving forward. We will get there eventually. šŸ™‚


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