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Silent evening.

Hi guys, doing a bit of reflection on book-in day again.

I’m feeling okay I guess. But then again I feel like a bit sian, as I am probably going to have to do this quite a few more times before I am eventually free. The wait is suddenly so unbearably long, but the end is undoubtedly close.

Besides the usual blues, I’m actually just looking forward to clearing this week because after that,my duties for this month will be clear, and I’ll be looking forward to March where I’ll clear off and leave. Work weeks will be much shorter, like 3 days or something. Looking forward to that.

I’m pretty sour about not having my wisdom tooth MC. For those who don’t know, NSFs usually have wisdom tooth extractions before they ORD, and they get a ton of time off from camp. I don’t have that luxury because my wisdom teeth have not grown out a single bit. So… I’m stuck in camp.

But it’s okay, because in NS, among other things, we learn to accept things as they are. That some things are beyond your control and the only way forward is to suck it up and look forward to better days.

I want to stay at home forever and never go back there, where bullshit is abound.

But, I have to move on. The end is nigh, I just have to grit my teeth and get through it.

Let’s talk about my goals, shall we.

I remember making two posts, pretty elaborate ones, on my resolution for this year. So far, I feel like I’m a bit off target, so I’m taking a bit of time off my schedule to refocus my goals. Specifically, I don’t utilize my time in camp to the fullest. I find that I like to get lost in my dramas and YouTube videos, to escape reality. Yeah, it’s a coward’s way of making stay-in time pass faster, but, I really should be using my time a bit more fruitfully.

Maybe I should start off with spending more time reading and studying my Japanese. And more time on the guitar I don’t use quite as effectively as I should in camp.

And I’ve been cutting down a bit on the sweet drinks. Now it’s like, my morning Teh. Been avoiding all the sweet drinks in the cookhouse. But usually I have to go to Starbucks to study, and that throws my sweet drink abstinence out of the window. But I’d say it’s a wee bit better than last year.

But well, my exercise regime is atrocious. I need to restart again. Have not exercised in the past month other than my NS PT.

So, yeah, off to a bit slow a start, but I’m motivated to get somewhere. Let’s see what this year holds.

A song~

 

ITS A SONG!

Protected: Seeing things from a different perspective.

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Hellos and Goodbyes.

 

Hi guys, today has been a bit of a rough day for me, but nevertheless I feel pretty okay.

Today I offended a friend, by commenting on something insensitively. In the situation she was in, she ended the friendship in her anger. I’m not sure if it’ll get back to the way it was before, and for a great part of today it really affected me.

So now I’ll just discuss for a full post how I feel that friendships are all fleeting and are rarely kept alive.

So many of our relationships with others are so ephemeral and weak. It almost feels like there’s no point.

Indeed there is no point in cultivating something that we will never grow, but the possibility of forever always keeps us going for more. Our hopes are pinned on uncertainty and most of the times they fail us.

Yet we need such relationships to move us forward. Humans need acceptance. Humans want recognition from one another and that’s now more an instinct than a need. In our society today, I feel, there is no real need for having deep relationships with anyone. It is our primal instinct that drives us to crave company.

Then there’s the argument that there’s more to it than just chemicals in our head telling us what to do. But it’s merely a construct to justify our emotions.

I personally believe that relationships with others help us enjoy our walk towards inevitable death better. I love my best friends dearly and I’d hate to lose them. I feel like I owe them so much, yet gave them so little.

And so, I foolishly support the theory that there’s more to friends than just what we can explain scientifically, out of my own selfishness. Because I want to be happy.

So… that’s my conclusion. I know it’s going one whole round to say something simple, but I feel a bit jumbled in my thoughts now, with all that has happened today.

 

A small update though. I’m booking in tonight, and next week I have a duty, so it’ll be a bit busier than usual. I just went for a checkup on my wisdom tooth, and they found that I don’t have any above my gum. Hence, I will have no long-term MC in March. Which means more army. Not that it matters much, but I’d rather be at home.

Yeah, it’s exactly 2 months away from ORD now. I feel it, but I wish it came faster. Oh  well, I can only wait now.

Anyway, see you guys at the end of the week. I’m gonna give my goals my all this week and update you guys on my progress again. Good day to you sirs.

Beautiful Sorrow.

Hi guys, it’s the evening before I book in and I’d just want to share a few realizations I had over the weekend. And some thoughts that are going through my head right now.

The first of my realizations is my need to be independent. On Saturday night, I woke up crying after thinking about living without my parents anymore. It hit me that I cannot go on like this forever. I keep retreating to that bulwark of support and reassurance that is my parents. I take so much more from them than I should. Whatever I want, I would get eventually.

I am spoilt.

I made a resolution from that night to be more independent whenever possible. Things like doing the dishes and making my bed and cleaning my room.

For now however, till NS is over, there are things which I still have to depend on them to keep my progress towards my goals constant.

But it was a painful realization.

As I am typing this right now, my sister is outside with Spud, making him put on a shirt (actually more like a hoodie for dogs) and they’re all having fun, and laughing as Spud tries to get out of it.

As the evening sun sets, and the light reflected upon the glass of the coffee table beside me, I realized that this might just be a beautiful memory later on.

And since sorrow only comes from strong, happy memories,

is there not beauty in sorrow?

Life is beautiful, but the end of life, is also the celebration of that life. For it is then when we truly reminisce and appreciate how that life has impacted ours.

That is my realization today.

And also, I’m having the book-in blues again.

HAHAHA. I feel sian, but it’s February so I don’t have long to go. It’s arduous but I’ll make it. Life’s not bad, but its dull, and going back just makes me feel sad that I can’t be home again to see the faces that matter most to my life. Then again, I’ll leave for Japan shortly after, so…

Well, I just hope I ORD without any worries.

Well, I’m off to pack my bag and watch a bit of drama. Downloaded enough to keep me really busy for the next 4 days at least. Or more, depending on how much I binge.

I feel like I have about 8 or 9 more book-ins left. So, I’ll just count down on this blog.

I’m booking in.

Oh, and anyway, I decided to dedicate more time to studying Japanese, in preparation for N4. I feel like my Japanese is getting somewhere already, so I’m studying ahead out of interest, and I know I’ll get somewhere =D. Anywayyyyy.

Goodnight.

Change.

 

Hey guys, it’s been a while since I did a proper update post. Mostly just rants and stuff. I really love this song, though I haven’t heard of this soundtrack before.

How do I feel now? I feel… Tired. I feel a tinge of loneliness and sadness.

Its just me I guess. I can feel so lost and I can feel so happy. I’m a whirlpool of emotions.

Sometimes I feel like I’m no good. But then sometimes I feel like I’m on the top of the world. It’s just me I guess. I keep thinking with my feelings. But I guess that would mean that I’m more sensitive right? HAHAHA. I don’t know but when I play my instrument in my emotional state, it really is beautiful.

Well, all of this emoness is probably due to the fact that life wasn’t as good as it used to be. But it isn’t bad either to be honest. And maybe because I feel like progress has been slow the past few days. The stayout used to allow me to practice as hard as I’d like, but now it’s like, I can only play my guitar in camp, and it’s an acoustic one at that. I don’t wanna bring my electric in because it’s so heavy, and it’s expensive.

Recently I’ve been giving my goals the backseat in camp, giving myself more time to watch dramas and all. I started (and am finishing) a series called, Good Morning Call. It’s such a cliche but well-directed drama. I like romances and this filled the bill of a cheesy romance I craved. I’m on my last episode, but if you like romance stories, you should definitely check this drama out because it’s light-hearted and fun.

On to more serious things, I recently sped up the planning for my Japan trip, because it’s coming. ORD is imminent, in about 2 months, and I’m feeling it. It’s slow, but it’s coming. My friend keeps counting the number of working days but I really don’t wanna think about that.

Honestly I just wanna move on with my life already. It feels like time stops whenever I am in camp. I guess that’s how it feels to be a stay-in right? Well, I had it really good…

Anyway, it’s raining now and I’m listening to this soundtrack. I really like it. It gives me a warm feeling. =D

So yeah. This is how I’ve been feeling.

Oh and I left my band. Officially, I will stay with them till April. It’s high time man. I think it’s just that the band has members with different goals and that makes the direction we are going so unclear. On one hand, we have Bronson, who just wants us to be some Kampong band and insists on us doing things for the sake of entertainment which we are awkward at.

And the other, would be the singer and the other guitarist, who really don’t care about the band direction.

And there’s me and Yu Hng, who want to be challenged musically. Who want to grow.

So we aren’t growing anymore because all we are doing is gigging and gigging.

It’s sad, but it has to be done.

I got a new band coming tho! Looking forward to it.

Found a female drummer and I’m gonna meet her in the coming week. And then Yu Hng found a female singer. AWWW YEAH ALL THEM GIRLS~~

So yeah, sad, but excited. I hope this goes well. Enjoy the soundtrack while I head back to practicing and being sad abt life. SEEYA~

 

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