Stumble, but move on.


Back From Japan!

Hi guys! I’m back from the land of the rising sun!

It’s been a long time since I posted, but yeah, basically I’ve ORDed and I went to Japan for a good 20 over days. 18 April to 10 May. I touched down yesterday at about 1235am.

ORD happiness aside, I miss Japan a lot right now. Like a tugging feeling of wanting to go back. I guess this is what it feels like to leave something you just fell in love with right? No matter, I can always go back anytime I have holidays, so it shouldn’t be too bad.

That said, I’d like to dedicate the next few days to putting up an elaborate review of my experiences here. That means uploading photos and stuff (although I am pretty lazy I shall force myself!)

I’d like to split the trip into multiple posts, so that I properly record down all the experiences and feelings I had. At first I brought a diary to pen my thoughts down there, but then we got lazy so there’s one slipshod entry right there. I find writing down my thoughts in a book way more awkward than typing them here, though they’re probably much the same thing.

Actually I wanted to blog a post on the trip tonight, but pressing issues have been keeping me busy till now.

Let’s just say they’re family issues, and that they’re probably not good to put up on a public site. You could ask me though. I probably would tell you if you’re able to read my blog already anyway.

OKAY. Enough emo. So how the next few days are going to pan out is that, I will type (within memory) all the experiences I had at each location. So this will mean that I will have a few posts in chronological order of my trip, and I wouldn’t put all of them out at once because I want them to be as elaborate as possible.

I feel like this has been an important milestone in my life, because it’s now that I truly realize my love for Japan. As a tourist anyway, but I really like what I see so far. Maybe I might live there and work there, but I haven’t seen the uglier side of the country yet, and that gives me enough reason to stay in SG for the moment.

That said, I have really beautiful memories of the place, and the photos will really show that.

Honestly, I’m really lazy about uploading photos, because I need to transfer them to the computer before uploading one by one, but I think a detailed record of my first time in Japan is well worth the few days of work I need to put in to make it. Besides, I like blogging anyway, and have been doing so since 6 years ago.

Well, I hope you enjoy the next few posts I will put up here within the next few days. Maybe I’ll wake up early tomorrow to blog! It’s 10 already so I have about an hour before I need to sleep. Since Japan is 1 hour ahead from us, it’s pretty easy for me to sleep early and wake up early now, and I’m not about to break that good habit.





2 days away from serious musical practice.

2 days (nearly) of practicing mindful speaking.

It’s opened myself up to the world a bit more again. I feel like I have refreshed my outlook on music and life again after not pushing myself to repeat the same routine over and over. I feel like I am slowly freeing myself from the chains of monotony. Slowly, but surely.

I wouldn’t say I’m done reflecting, but I really feel that these few days, I have been so fixated on my goals that I forgot that living life is more important than chasing it.

Yes, I feel like I am chasing life.

As if I’m always running towards something, that I deem to be a worthy legacy of my life.

I think it’s important to look towards the future. But sometimes in doing so, we don’t live in the present. Always, I find my thoughts lean towards what I’m going to be in the future, and what I want for myself in the future.

Living in the present is also important. If we spend our whole lives trying to achieve something for the future, then we would always be chasing that.

Sometimes I forget that I’m human. That I make mistakes, and that I can’t work like a machine. Discipline has never been one of my strong points. But I guess I am too hard on myself when I am not disciplined.

I find myself rejecting friends who invite me out more often than not. And then I stay at home and do nothing but practice, then watch videos. It’s stifling sometimes. I need to give myself room to be human.

I feel I’ve not fully understood what it is to live my life. I haven’t formed a concrete opinion on how I can learn from the past few days’ events, but I guess I’ll see it eventually.

To my friends who read this blog, thank you for always looking out for me, and always supporting me. It means a lot when someone simply comes up to you and tell you that it’s okay.

And that it’s okay not to be perfect.


Hi guys, I’d like to talk about the past few days and what I’ve been doing, what has been happening, both good and bad, and the days to come.

Recently I hit a wall. It’s sorta like a plateau, and its also sorta like a spiraling whirlpool downwards. Emotionally, I am at my lowest since last year. Which is pretty early considering it’s March.

Honestly one thing I’ve been considering is keeping my mouth shut. Because I tend to speculate, and assume the worst when it comes to what people will do. Honestly it’s not very healthy, and it’s not very nice for the people on the receiving end.

I tend to form negative opinions on others very fast. And get very annoyed with everything. I need to stop opening my mouth during these situations because either I will fuck up something, or assume something about someone based on my own judgement of his or her personality, and end up hurting someone.

Maybe I should just keep quiet more. I don’t know how, but I think I need to work on that first, then settle my negative opinions on others. I don’t wanna hurt anyone anymore.

And it’s been an arduous journey with my goals so far.

I want to say that I have been progressing, albeit at a slow pace.

Progress is still progress, but everything is fading to grey again.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s okay for me to continue as I am. Like, you know, the me with so many flaws. The insensitive me, the me who doesn’t give a fuck, and the me who is selfish and undeserving.

Some people say imperfection is what makes people beautiful, but then, it’s difficult to say that when majority of the people you meet just pick on all your flaws. Including me on others.

Keeping my mouth shut, yes, that’s whats important right now. Whenever I want to say something related to other people and their personalities, I shall just keep it to myself. It’s gonna be difficult.

In the days ahead, I will spend a few more days in camp, and a lot of time at home. I think it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate, and try and move forward. Then I’ll be flying to Japan soon. It’s pretty fast, but I’m tired of dealing with people.

I just want to be alone.



Hi guys, what’s up!

I feel like I’m going everywhere again. Being stretched out. But I think this time I acknowledge the fact that I can’t do everything and I should just focus on a few.

A few reflections on my work style. From today anyway. I find that if I don’t write down what I plan to do, I tend to drift away from the target and then waste the day away on one of my targets alone.

And when I do plan my day, I often plan too much. Then I’ll have too much to do and that ends up in frustration or disappointment at the end of the day.

I think there should be a balance and a system put in place for meeting my goals.

Firstly, I think I need to choose which of the 3 things of my life I need to work on (other than health and fitness, which I consider to be important everyday).

  1. Guitar
  2. Piano
  3. Japanese

I listed them in the order of importance. So Guitar will have to always pair with something else.




Maybe if I treated Japanese like how I did fitness. HMMMMM.

I think I’m on to something.

Yeah. That way the rest of the day is mine and I can focus on anything I want. So something like, every alternate day switch main instrument. Oh MANNNN.

Okay. Now that you see my thought process, it’s time to put it into action. Oh MANNN.

Okay aside from that, I’m feeling my growth in my endeavours. Though small, I can feel it.

I think it’s important that we take joy in little things, so that when they amount to something big, we fully appreciate everything we’ve done up to that point. One mistake people have is that they must have big discoveries or progressive milestones every day. I think, slow but steady progress is actually what gives rise to those days or milestones, because they add up, it looks so sudden and big, but really, you’ve been working hard all that time.

Oh well, a few reflections before I make my way back to camp. Tomorrow (=P).

Oh, I forgot to mention, I had my first jamming session with my new band two days ago. We jammed at The Music Parlour, and it was great. I loved the place, the atmosphere and the equipment. It was also the first time in a long while that me and Yu Hng were able to jam together and sound pretty good, with the help of the drummer. I feel that’s what holds the band together. I feel happy. This band is going places. And we’re trying our hand at songs that will advance us. So many exciting things coming up. I love my life now man.

Anyway it’s 1 month before ORD, and I’m feeling it. I got 2 offs every week from now till April, and in between there’s a few events and my Medical Appointments.

So yeah, I like where my life is heading. I’m approaching a milestone.

Maybe that’s why I feel growth. HAHA.

Well, until the next blog post, I’ll be gritting my teeth through the week. See you guys.


Dearly Beloved.

Hi guys, I just got back from classes, and duty yesterday. It was a stale and uneventful Saturday but I got through it. Just a few updates before I meditate a bit.

I find that it’s so easy to waste time. Like really, if you procrastinated, you could lose an entire day that was meant for productive practice.

I feel like we need to constantly reaffirm ourselves with our goals in order to reach them. To keep seeing the big picture, because that’s what is going to motivate us when we are sitting there with our instrument, crying and begging it to give you what you want.

It doesn’t work that way. I had many instances where I was just sad, and I looked at my piano or guitar and asked it to give me more.

Obviously I had to put in the work. But sometimes we can’t help ourselves can we? Our youthful, willful selves.

What are the things that need to be done? What are the things I have to do? Why is it that sometimes I feel so shit and sometimes I’m high in the sky?

So many questions that I answered long ago, but I feel like I need to truly understand their answers.

By applying them.

Yeah, I guess it’s just the way it is right. Everyone struggles.


Silent evening.

Hi guys, doing a bit of reflection on book-in day again.

I’m feeling okay I guess. But then again I feel like a bit sian, as I am probably going to have to do this quite a few more times before I am eventually free. The wait is suddenly so unbearably long, but the end is undoubtedly close.

Besides the usual blues, I’m actually just looking forward to clearing this week because after that,my duties for this month will be clear, and I’ll be looking forward to March where I’ll clear off and leave. Work weeks will be much shorter, like 3 days or something. Looking forward to that.

I’m pretty sour about not having my wisdom tooth MC. For those who don’t know, NSFs usually have wisdom tooth extractions before they ORD, and they get a ton of time off from camp. I don’t have that luxury because my wisdom teeth have not grown out a single bit. So… I’m stuck in camp.

But it’s okay, because in NS, among other things, we learn to accept things as they are. That some things are beyond your control and the only way forward is to suck it up and look forward to better days.

I want to stay at home forever and never go back there, where bullshit is abound.

But, I have to move on. The end is nigh, I just have to grit my teeth and get through it.

Let’s talk about my goals, shall we.

I remember making two posts, pretty elaborate ones, on my resolution for this year. So far, I feel like I’m a bit off target, so I’m taking a bit of time off my schedule to refocus my goals. Specifically, I don’t utilize my time in camp to the fullest. I find that I like to get lost in my dramas and YouTube videos, to escape reality. Yeah, it’s a coward’s way of making stay-in time pass faster, but, I really should be using my time a bit more fruitfully.

Maybe I should start off with spending more time reading and studying my Japanese. And more time on the guitar I don’t use quite as effectively as I should in camp.

And I’ve been cutting down a bit on the sweet drinks. Now it’s like, my morning Teh. Been avoiding all the sweet drinks in the cookhouse. But usually I have to go to Starbucks to study, and that throws my sweet drink abstinence out of the window. But I’d say it’s a wee bit better than last year.

But well, my exercise regime is atrocious. I need to restart again. Have not exercised in the past month other than my NS PT.

So, yeah, off to a bit slow a start, but I’m motivated to get somewhere. Let’s see what this year holds.

A song~