The fear of being lonely.

Hi guys. It’s another blog post on something I’ve been feeling a lot lately. It’s exactly what the title says haha.

In the past few weeks I’ve been battling a crushing loneliness that just keeps coming up. It gets worse when I have people that I like and try to text them, and then they don’t text back. And the list goes on, I walk alone in school and rarely see familiar faces, and all I want to do is just get over with my lessons, and just go home.

I don’t even want to think about these things but it’s been bugging me every single day. Like why am I so lonely in a world full of people. And why do I feel so empty even if there are people who look for me and ask me to accompany them?

I realize, even with army, that I always relied on girls to try to fill that void within me. I feel like, despite everything I’ve learnt, I still end up relying on others to fill that void. And I always tend to sink into those moods where I just lament on the state of my life.

Why is everyone so happy and I’m not? Why do I have to face everything alone? Why do normal relationships fail to fulfill me?

And I feel like music has sort of left my life somehow. The one thing that kept me alive has been shoved aside for my studies.

I don’t know really. Sorry if my thoughts are all jumbled up but this has been a recurring theme for me since school started. I just don’t get myself sometimes.